Because God, that's why.

 

"God will not call the equipped, but rather equip those that He has called" -Unknown 

 

 

 

 

 

Well...With so many transitions around here, blogging has hit the back burner. But I am determined to stick with it. For journaling purposes, and as a resource as well.

 

Something happened yesterday, something that I had imagined but wasn't sure what it would look like. God knew. It was His work after all.

 

In the last 5 years, as I've watched my oldest son grow, and develop, and as we've jumped hurdles as a family, and moved past barriers, we have learned so much. Ethan was diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and General Anxiety Disorder in October of 2013. We knew before the doctor's official "diagnosis", because we had been living with Ethan and had done research. We didn't need a label for him, really, but it was a good confirmation to have so that we could reach out and utilize resources for support and help.. Before that diagnosis?... We were lost. struggling. frustrated. exhausted. We had tried and failed many different types of discipline, teaching, rewards, parenting techniques, and still were left feeling so overwhelmed and a little hopeless honestly. He was quirky and tricky, and one day something would work, and the next day it would cause a major meltdown...he was like living with a ticking time bomb, and you never knew when an explosion would occur, or what would trigger it. We knew with school years looming that we had to make a decision. My heart has been to homeschool, and I kept Ethan home for preschool as a "trial" for that, but honestly it was a struggle. This boy is constantly on the go both physically and mentally, and it was nearly impossible for me to keep him engaged and stimulated and we were left in frustration. So what to do? Would he be successful in a classroom setting? Would it be overwhelming? Would he be able to control his hands and impulsive tendencies? Would the teacher be able to keep him engaged? How can we help him? Prepare him? You get the idea, many questions swirling..

 

To be real, I have gone through so many feelings and emotions as a mom.. Many that are normal just as a mom, learning the ways of mommyhood, juggling, multi-tasking, balancing. But some of the struggles were so trying, I found myself asking that horribly selfish question "why me?"... why was I chosen to be this boys' momma? why was I, the lazy, non structured, free spirited, selfish one, given a son who required all of me. My heart and my time and my effort. My tears and my attention. I struggled with frustration and anger on his behalf, watching him struggle.. "why cant he be normal?" "why does he have to be so sensitive?"  "why can most kids already use the potty, or ride their bikes?" ... may it be known that these questions, while real in the moment, are in their very essence destructive. Their source is Satan himself, and as we mom's sometimes strive to just get through the day, the last thing we need is comparison, or thoughts or feelings of insufficiency, along with constantly expecting more of our kids, and of ourselves as moms. But they swirled my mind, nonetheless.. "WHY GOD?"

 

Needless to say the answer is "Because God, that's why"...He CHOSE me. but it has been such a crazy process as God is working on my heart. Grasping this truth and taking it to heart. I am still learning, still being stretched, I am certain I will continue to as long as I am a mom {always}. But yesterday I got a bright glimpse into the "why me". Out of the blue, I got a call from a mom, someone I didnt know. My name and number were given to her as a potential resource. She has a 5 year old son. She's struggling. She suspects Autism/ADHD. On the phone she sounded drained. lost. exhausted. frustrated. concerned.

 

Thanks God, You knew didnt you? Just a year ago, I was sitting in her scary, frustrating shoes... I felt so weary of trying...Looking for answers, asking advice, picking people's brains. Let me be the first to say, we have not perfected parenting a child that has a few special needs and quirky tendencies, but boy, when you get to the point where you have a solid direction instead of feeling like you are drowning, you start seeing baby steps and progress, things start looking right up.

 

And now, having implemented several systems, gotten plugged in with the ESD, behavioral counseling, and finally started with Occupational Therapy I was actually able to say "I have some ideas!"

 

 

Woah. I told her upfront, I can throw some ideas her way, but of course every kid is different, but WOAH. She was asking me for ideas and I HAD some. A year ago, I would've just started crying along side her..."I hear ya sister, its hard!" I was so grateful that God had given me a chance to help someone. All the struggles and frustrations, the barriers ARENT for nothing. And best of all, to be able to be upfront and tell her "God made me Ethan's mom, and while I struggled with that, and struggle {still} with feeling sufficient, I am so grateful that God chose ME! And His Grace is sufficient enough for YOU too, and its not by chance that you are calling me now."

 

I feel like my heart is overflowing, blessed that God chose me to share, and to use His GRACE as an example. He knew. He did.

 

These crazy parents weren't equipped, but we have been called. My prayer is that as my kids grow, Ill continue to grow by faith. New stages and ages bring new challenges, but I am learning that I get to experience the very worst of my kids, and along with that the VERY BEST and I am grateful.

 

My advice to myself, and those that want it:  Simmer. Let God show you His ideas. They are usually so much cooler than we picture then in our finite brains. Then enjoy the blessing as it comes along.

The newest.

It's been too long.

 

So much can change in the course of a few short weeks.

 

 

Luke is starting to carry on 4-8 word conversations with me. Its so precious. It is so cool to slow down and watch him put the words together. He's getting it. I think he appreciates being able to articulate what he wants instead of screaming and grunting so much. He is growing well, and he has been so much healthier ever since we cut sugar out of the house.

 

Ethan is officially enrolled in kindergarten! I am equally excited and terrified for him. One of the hardest things to do as a Mama, is to knowingly put your children in a situation where they could potentially face big barriers.

Fall.

Get discouraged.

Make mistakes.

 

I know in my heart, that these things build character.. But having a child that has special needs, I feel like I long so much to protect him from those hurts even MORE. Maybe its because I know that he copes differently (sometimes not at all).. Maybe its because I know his heart, this tender-hearted, compassionate, sensitive boy. I know he will stumble. But my mission is to be there giving him the tools in his toolbelt to pick himself up and keep moving forward.

 

School. Woah. When I picked out and purchased a lunch box last week ($4.99 at grocery outlet score!) I swear I fast-forwarded in my mind to highschool graduation. What is it about being a mom, that begs for time to slow down, all the while, waiting for tomorrow to come? He hasn't seen his lunchbox yet, he will be SO excited. Its the little things right?....

 

We don't talk about school much with Ethan because he doesn't have a good sense of time, so he would keep thinking its "tomorrow".... But we are still mentally prepping, and focusing on establishing a good routine NOW, so the change isn't so ground-shaking come fall.

This is my newest routine board. Ethan's counselor suggested solid visual aids, to help alleviate some of the "nagging" from me, to help him focus and stay on task (some days this just isn't possible) and also to enable him to be more independent and take ownership of his own responsibilities. The board pictured above is specifically for his morning routine.

 

 I took a picture of him waiting for his morning clock to turn green to wake up, turning off his radio, brushing teeth, changing clothes, and putting the dirty laundry in the basket... this has been pretty effective as of recently with sufficient bribes motivation. This also gives me a chance to get breakfast ready, because we tend to have a LOT of struggles around impatience and rude words while waiting for meals. Cant blame him TOO much. I get crabby when I am hungry too.

 

I am planning to make another one for bedtime routine, then eventually for the daily flow.. (school type activities ect)

 

So, what's new with you?



What is Intentional Living anyway?

I think it looks a little differently for everyone..

 

For me, right now, it looks like a life that has purpose mostly in regards to my walk with God, and in raising my kids to know him and follow him too.

 

The Difficult:

*Refraining from screaming and yelling when I am upset.

*Cutting down on the time I spend on my cellphone, ESPECIALLY in front of the kids.

*Thinking before I speak, both with my kids and with my husband as well.

*Slowing down my day to try and balance my responsibilities with spending QUALITY and FOCUSED time with my kids. Not just flipping the pages of a book, but actually listening to them. Looking at them. Asking them questions and caring about the answers. Getting on the floor and doing what they want to do.

 

The Simple:

*gaining more time with my kids

*feeling free from some of the stress I have been putting on myself, by letting some of the housework wait, in trade for more time with the boys.

*watching my sweet little men respond in positive ways to the increase in quality time spent with them.

*the satisfaction of less time "wasted" as my kids grow and develop.

 

I feel God working in my heart, and softening my heart towards my boys. He has entrusted me with these blessings, and I want to make the most of my time with them. I feel like even typing these thoughts makes me more vulnerable to failing in these areas. I realize that many days wont be easy. My own selfish habits and nature fight against me. Some days I feel lazy. Too tired. Lacking in motivation. I would rather turn on a movie and let the movie watch my kids. Some days I want to run and hide, or put in earplugs... I dont want to deal with the arguing, the constant questioning, the thousands of messes, the whining, the screaming, the fighting, the discipline, the training, the guiding, teaching, molding... And maybe just maybe I will need a movie break some days, but I want to let go of living in survival mode, and really utilize my days. God called me to it, He can and will bring me through it.

 

I know God made it possible for me to quit my job last October. The first few months after Ethan's Autism/ADHD diagnosis, I was trying to get a handle on figuring out how to help him, at the same time I was attempting to find a groove, being new at staying at home full time with both kids. In hindsight I realize that I spent so much time and focus trying to make my house "perfect" and "functional" I started to lose Ethan in the process. He started acting up more. More tantrums, more meltdowns, more arguing, more anxiety. More struggle. Something had to change.

 

So here is to change. Here is to being intentional. To focusing on today, being present, and having fun...

 

 

 I am so excited that I captured this moment. After months of tracing, copying, and me telling him the letters, Ethan wrote him name all by himself without any prompting from me. This is a big deal!!!!

 

 

This is a penguin craft that the kids did at co-op. So cute! Ethan is learning how to sit in a class type setting, listen to instructions, play and interact with other kids.. some days he spends time under the table, or pouting in the corner. But we are there, once a week, and we are trying, and learning.

 

Luke has gotten into the busy, naughty 2-year old fun stage. He is into EVERYTHING. I ask him to stop something and he will do it with a naughty grin on his face. He likes to dig in my Tupperware and pots and pans.. I make it my personal goal to find things to keep him busy that are not a threat to his safety.

 

January in Oregon is not outside-play-weather. But we had a day of not rain, so we took advantage of it. I put 4 layers on Luke (no joke) and they had fun running and throwing balls around the driveway.

 

 Aside from Tupperware, Luke's other passion is water. My mom suggested throwing towels on the floor and letting him go to town.. I added some carrots and cucumbers to make it "soup" and he spent over an hour in watery bliss.

 I love to bake. This is something I can do for me, that the kids enjoy (duh)... I hope some day to teach my kids to bake, but right now, its a nightmare to have them in my kitchen. I hate mess.. kids in the kitchen ALWAYS mean a mess.. I am a work in progress...what can I say?

 

 

... speaking of kitchen nightmares..  this happened today. I took it as an opportunity to calmly further reinforce why I DONT allow the kids to take stuff off the kitchen counter. My first true test in living Intentionally.

 

 

I give pinterest full credit for this idea. The boys LOVE it.

Pipes, suction cups, and plastic epoxy glue = hours of bathtub water fun.