Simmer..

Are you content where you are? Where God has you in your life? The here? The now?

I think many struggle with it... being content. Being "Ok" with where we are in our lives in the moment. I don't usually use blanket statements, but I sense that we (in our human sinful nature) all dislike the word "wait"..  many people struggle with waiting and I personally have a history of being in the habit of waiting for the day to get over, so we can start the next...

A large part of intentional living is focusing on where you are now.. being present in the moment. Prioritizing parts of my life and organizing my time, so that when I am working on house work, I can really focus on it, then when its time to read a book with my kids, I am not thinking about other responsibilities.. I am living RIGHT THEN.. in THAT moment. I am savoring it. I am appreciating it. I am taking notice.

 

Not rushing.

 But enjoying.

Listening to my kids.

 Touching their hair.

 Looking into their eyes, instead of at my cell phone..

Counting fingers and toes.

Answering their questions without impatience in my voice.

 

 

The question that goes through my mind is "If I am so impatiently rushing to get to later, or tomorrow.. what am I missing right now?"  A key ingredient in being successful at living intentionally is SLOWING DOWN. Slow down activities. Slow down responses. Slow down reactions. Slow down.

 

Note to self: Time to slow down. Simmer...

 

 

Luke is...

Sweet. Shy. Cuddly. Stubborn. Silly.


He loves muffins! (Fuffins)

He adores duplo legos.

He gets goofy and giggly at night when he is sleepy.

He enjoys playing quietly by himself. But next to me.

He always carries a water bottle around. Sometimes 2.

He is obsessed with my pots and pans.

He is very good at following instructions (when he wants to!)

He LOVES doing what his big brother does.

He sleeps all night.

He still takes a nap (YAY FOR MOMMY!)

He begs for me to read the same 3 books over and over... and over.

He hates being left out.

He always dumps out the toy bin, even if he just was instructed to pick it all up.

He also dislikes tomatoes, beans, and cheese.

He screams about EVERYTHING. Ear piercing screams.

He gets mad if I try to help him.. (he can do it HIMSELF)

He throws food on the floor.

He will hate his dinner before he even tastes it.


THIS sweet little munchkin is so silly. He loves to make me laugh. He gets "embarrassed" when I praise him for doing something right. Its so cute. He is growing quickly and developing an independent attitude about things he can "do himself"... while at the same time, still loves being close to me. I so appreciate that, and hope that it lasts. We look forward to potty training him this summer, and maybe even trying to learn how to ride a trike! We love you L.J.!

 He was so excited to put turkey on his finger, just like olives.

 He thinks this is how tongs are used...

 

Ethan is...

Busy. Loud. Intelligent. Energetic. Passionate.

He loves to tell knock knock jokes, even if there is no punchline.

He is deeply passionate about the things he cares about.

He likes to snuggle.

He loves routine.

He wakes up happy.

He appreciates the smell of fresh baked goodies.

He enjoys stomping in puddles.

He always likes to have music playing.

He has no fear of dancing in public. If the music moves him...

He eats a bowl of carrots during quiet time EVERY day.

If he had the choice, he would eat oatmeal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

If given the opportunity, he will stay up until midnight.

He loves being around his friends and family.

He. Remembers. EVERYTHING.

He CONSTANTLY sticks his tongue out when he is focused or concentrating. I love it.

He hates tomatoes, beans, and cheese.

He dislikes the suspense of surprises.

He cant stand his brother "messing up" his cars, trains, or other toys.

He gets frustrated when things are too loud around him.

He is a master at diversion at bed time.

He cant stand to have water on his face. (we are making progress)

He does not prefer any sort of artistic activities, he will rush through them.

I love this sweet boy so much. I am so proud of some of the hurdles he has gotten through (potty training at 4! woohoo!) We are so blessed as parents to have been entrusted with him. We spend a lot of time talking, thinking, and praying about and for this little man. We are excited to see what God has planned for his future.

 

 

 

Domestic Engineer

Have you heard? I got a promotion. I am officially a full-time stay at home Mom. Am I crazy?.... maybe a little. I find it interesting that being at home with the kids used to be common. It used to be the norm... expected even. "These days"... its actually quite difficult to be home full time and raise our children. Financial situations make it difficult and sometimes impossible for moms to be home all the time with their babes. I feel so incredibly grateful and blessed to finally have this opportunity to spend and invest in my kids!

Ethan and I officially started preschool at home this week. Why not start off my new career with a bang? Ethan wrote his name for the first time, and also started with scissors. I made a long list of goals, things that I would love for him to accomplish or learn before next fall. We will see how it goes. The list includes things like, learning to spell and write his name. Learning to use scissors. Learning to count to 20. Feeling comfortable with all the sounds of each letter, and beginning to sound out words. I hope to teach him about the calendar, months, and seasons. We have already started talking about coins, and learning about money. He really loves to learn new things, and I want to take advantage of this phase. I am excited and hope to just enjoy this year.

Luke is starting to use words and learning how to communicate without screaming or whining. Its a slow process, but he's getting there. He is sassy and is a little bit of trouble maker sometimes. He likes to hit his brother, and take his toys from his hands. He also has taken a special liking to electrical outlets and power cords much to my dismay. STINKER. His favorite words are "Ad-Dee" (daddy) and "no" which means "yes". He also says "Ah-Ah" which means "all done." He has a silly sense of humor singing his night-night lullaby in a fake opera voice. Silly boy.

As for me, I have been spending my evenings after the kids go to bed doing a lot of crochet. I started making these headbands and some people of facebook showed a little interest and I started selling them. now I make headbands all the time. Its fun and a good way to make a little "extra"... pretty cute, don't you think?

Be strong Mama..

{{Just a side note, it took me over a month to write this.. sorry for the lengthy post, its primary purpose is for journaling for my own personal record...}}


"Be strong".. Ive heard that at least 100 times this last 2 months... Most of our friends and family already know this last few months as been a whirlwind for our family.

 

This is the story about a series of unfortunate events that resulted in Luke being admitted to Doernbecher Children's Hospital for 16 days. Many weeks ago, Luke and Ethan and I were all sick with a cold.. and we started to improve, and then I suddenly got worse and my cold turned into bronchitis and pneumonia.. The boys seemed fine at that point, and I started on antibiotics. As I improved, Luke woke up from a nap one Sunday with a raging fever. He was inconsolable and so I took him to the urgent care. We suspected an ear infection because he had no other symptoms.

No cough.

No wheezing.

Nothing.

Except this awful fever. 103-104.. So the doctor ordered a chest x-ray. I was so surprised- Pneumonia!

She started him on antibiotics right away. The next day he was worse.. not better as I had expected. Monday morning, I took him to the ER at OHSU. By the time we got there his ibuprofen had kicked in and he was acting like this...

The doctors assured me to wait and give the antibiotics time to work. so we waited. and waited. and waited. They said 24 hours.. then they said wait 48. All the while he was getting worse and worse. And my gut told me he was really really sick. Tuesday night I took him to his primary care doctor, because the fevers were reaching 104-105. Since his fevers kept responding to the ibuprofen (coming down).. there wasn't a lot of concern. The doctors kept encouraging me to give him ibu and Tylenol around the clock.... even as much as waking him in the middle of the night to take the medicine, so he didn't have a lapse in "coverage"..

Wednesday night I sent him with Seth to see a DIFFERENT doctor (the 4th doc that week) and pretty much got the same response. His lungs continued to be clear and no wheezing so they weren't really concerned. They had considered that this was viral pneumonia and maybe that was why antibiotics weren't working.. a different doctor considered a stronger antibiotic the next few days IF no improvement. and at this point we were on the 3rd full day of antibiotics. I was so discouraged. He was so sick. My Momma feathers were getting pretty ruffled.. why are no doctors seeing what I am seeing?!

Thursday came and I had to work.. I had already missed work for Luke on Monday, and the week before for my own illness. It was painful to leave him..  that evening after work, a 5th doctor that week asked me to bring him into the clinic and she would look at him. She listened to his lungs, and examined him and came to the same conclusion that I did... he was REALLY sick. She started him on an arsenal of antibiotics and ordered a chest x-ray to be done first thing the next morning. She said if there wasn't remarkable improvement within 24 hours, she would directly admit him into the hospital.

Friday morning came and I missed work that day. His chest xray looked bad. The pneumonia had spread to fill his entire right lung. AH! my poor little buddy!

He was miserable. I spoke with the doctor and she decided for me to go home and pack up to prepare to head to the hospital. In my mind I was preparing myself for a couple nights stay to give my little guy I.V. hydration and antibiotics.. little did I know he would be there for far longer, and much more than just I.V. fluids.. 

my sweet sick guy. This was at the E.R. (the second time)



When I got packed up and headed to Portland to the admitting department.. I got a phone call from our doctor while I was en route, she said that the radiologist had seen the xray from that morning and there was concern that he had a partial pneumo thorax. This was causing a small collapse in his lung. As a result I was instructed to go in through the E.R. instead to make sure he was stable and didn't need to go into ICU.. So that's what I did. We got to the E.R., just my baby and I (I had assumed we would end up here and had Ethan staying with a relative) And they brought him back right away. Our amazing doctor had called ahead so they knew we were coming. The transition from E.R. to the room that she had called ahead to reserve was seamless and quick and I am so appreciative. Its a rare day to spend less than 90 minutes in an E.R... and that includes the time it took them to set his I.V. in his arm. They found him to be stable and we were transferred to his long term room.

The doctors ordered a catscan, then changed their mind, deciding on an ultrasound of his lungs instead, to get a picture of what was going on. The ultrasound results were not good news. Seth had arrived by then (thankfully!) and we were told that Luke had developed a pleural effusion in his chest cavity. I learned that that was the space between his ribcage and his lung. It was fluid built up around his lung, and it wasn't allowing his lung to fully inflate. And it was infected. And it was bad. The next news was awful too, they had decided that he needed a chest tube to be placed to drain all this infected fluid. I cried. a lot. I couldn't even imagine them slicing a hole in my baby. The I.V. was quite traumatic enough. .... I thought itd be fine.. I thought with the I.V. antibiotics and fluids, he would turn the corner and start to improve quickly.

 We didn't sleep. That night I stayed alone with Luke so Seth could stay with Ethan.

 It was strange.
A little scary.
His room was too bright.
Nurses came in and out all night long to check his vitals and administer pain meds.
He woke at 1 am and was wide awake as if it were morning.
I cried a lot.
It was rough.

This was one of the hardest parts of Luke feeling so sick.. any time he had a fresh dose of ibuprofen or Tylenol he would act "fine"... and as soon as it wore off he would be miserable, lethargic, and lose all appetite. We felt like a giant yo-yo. Up and down for weeks..

The next morning they informed us of the time of the procedure so we waited for transport to come get him. He wasn't allowed to eat or drink prior to the procedure so that was a little rough to have to deny him.. and that wasn't the first time we had to deny our screaming hungry and thirsty boy of food and water. What a gut wrenching feeling really..

They came and got our babe and rolled him still in his giant crib down to the surgery floor. As they prepped for anesthesia they explained to us in detail what they were going to do and how. They allowed me to hold Luke as they put him to sleep so that I could see him breathing ok on his own. We left and waited anxiously in the waiting room for about 45 minutes. The surgeon came out to let us know everything had gone fine and that he was fine.. He did, however seem concerned that they weren't able to get any fluid as they passed the tube initially. This concerned me too. We went to see our guy in recovery (picture below).. he was in and out of sleep but when he woke it was with horrific cries. He was in pain. It makes me cry just typing this memory. Its an indescribable feeling that a mom feels in her heart and her very being , to see her child hurt. He had braces on his arms that forced his arms straight to keep him from pulling the tube out. The arm braces confused and scared him as he was so restricted. His oxygen dropped every time he woke from the pain. It was a horrific sight. He is so small. And his age doesn't allow for us to try and explain the pain, so he didn't understand. Oh my heart. It hurt for him. My mind screamed to make the pain stop for him.

The doctors had a plan to instill a medication (called TPA) into his chest tubes to help break up the fluid (they described it as more gelatin-like) to help it to drain. Without drainage, the antibiotics couldn't reach the infected area, and he couldn't get better.

On day 2 of the TPA they decided to run a catscan to determine his progress and get a very clear picture of his problem. They used a bedside sedative to help relax him so he'd hold still for the procedure. He did amazing. My little trooper! The catscan was not encouraging. They found a second effusion down lower below the lung, and also discovered that he had an abscess inside of his lung.

 

Oh boy. So now what?

There was a LOT of deliberation on how to proceed with his care. There was a family medicine team of doctors, a surgical peds team,  and a pulmonology team..all attempting to come to a same plan regarding Luke's treatment..There was discussion of Interventional radiology going in to place a second chest tube, guided by catscan.. There was talk of they attempting to aspirate the abcess. There was discussion of having a picline placed, which we learned was a permanent I.V. used to administer I.V. antibiotics, pain meds, draw blood from, nutrition for people who weren't eating enough, and also would allow us to go home and administer I.V. antibiotics at home if necessary.. and the very worst of all, there was discussion of a major surgery called the VATS, which basically meant they go in and manually scrape out all the gunk using small cameras. The scary part was that they said with kiddos his size it was hard to get all the tools and cameras inside such a small area and that 50% of them would end up going in with a full incision... They deliberated for 48 hours, meanwhile putting our hungry baby on food and water restrictions pending another procedure. That was pure misery for us all. We understood that having food and water in his tummy could cause major issues during  a procedure, but until they could decide what they were going to do, it was hard just having him not eat "incase" they were able to get him into a procedure. What a nightmare.  We were so on edge.

Below is a picture of a cross section of his rib cage from the C.T... the black is his lungs (the healthy parts) .. the bright white areas are his bones (ribs and spine and shoulders) and you can see one lung is really full of grey junk. Not good.

After much deliberation they finally decided to place a SECOND chest tube. We were so relieved that someone finally made a decision! And it was the right one. Praise God! The same doc that placed the first tube, inserted a second one (and readjusted the first) and got a large syringe FULL of fluid the moment he placed it. Like hitting a gold mine! hallelujah!

While Luke was at the hospital he had a chest X-ray every single morning to monitor his progress. The picture below is an xray from his first chest tube placement, and then the xray right after his second tube placement. They readjusted the first one so its lower, and then the newest one was placed below that to drain the fluid from lower in the pleural space.

Well we are grateful that after the second tube was placed he started improving remarkably. His appetite increased, his fever broke (finally after 2 weeks!) he began to perk up and act like his old self. There was still a small chance of needing a VATS surgery if xrays didn't start showing improvement, so we continued to pray, and he continued to rally. We finally got word that one tube at a time could be removed and that the doctors would watch for signs of infection. The process was slow.. and grueling. Luke didn't like the tubes, any time he would move or twist they would pull at his side, the bandages ripped his sensitive skin... but we waited...

 

Wait a day, remove a tube, wait a day, remove second tube, wait a day, switch from I.V. to oral antibiotics, wait a day, remove his picline, wait a day... THEN after 16 days at the hospital, we got the news that Luke was going to be released. Praise GOD.

 

Luke continued on strong oral antibiotics for a full month following his hospital discharge. He finished last week as a matter of fact, and we are standing in faith that he is well, and healthy, and will continue to be. The pulmonology team ordered a chest xray to be repeated in 4 months, and we are just so grateful that he is back to his sassy healthy self.

 

"Be strong Mama"... hearing that and doing it are two completely different things..God has been so faithful in our weakness and fear...and we could NOT have made it through those 2 weeks without our family and friends. We are still awestruck by the outpouring of love, encouragement, help, and prayer that was sent our way. Our hearts are so grateful!

These boys...my ministry.

Ethan Seth. My Smarty pants. 

His name combined means "strong, firm, appointed one." His daddy and I had his name picked out before we even got married. Before he was even possible I dreamed about him. I always prayed that God would give me a little boy (He blessed me with TWO!) And that he would be just like his daddy... But I couldn't wait to see what creation God would bless me with. When I was 8 months pregnant with him I knew in my heart that he was a boy. Is that crazy? :}

 

 

 

This Dude. Luke Jonathan. My baby.

 
We deliberated over his name for months. Luke and Jonathan combined mean "God Gives Light"... I was going through a really traumatic and dark time in my life and in the middle of the darkness and awful, I found out I was carrying this guy. What an amazing blessing...beauty from ashes.

Everyone who knew we were pregnant with our second baby said "oh I hope you have a girl so that your family is "complete"... I always smiled and nodded but really I was hoping for another little boy. I wanted Ethan to have a brother. I wanted these brothers to grow up together. Get in trouble together. Fight like brothers. Be men together. God gave me my hearts wish (twice!). This little sweetie is cuddly and affectionate. He has his shy moments.



These are precious guys. I pray for them. I pray that they would come to know Christ at an early age. That they would be passionate and seek after Gods heart. That they would be comfortable with who they are as a men of God, and find their true identity in Christ. That they would find their niche in this world and be involved in ministry. That they would be a light. I pray that God will be preparing a wife for they someday. Girls who loves God first, who will inspire Ethan and Luke to seek God more passionately.. women who I could love as daughters. Sometimes I wonder if girls like that exist anymore..I pray that they would remain pure till marriage.  Call me a planner. But I don't think its too soon to pray for their future.

Raising boys in "our time" is difficult. We live in a society that revolves around self-indulgence, selfishness, instant gratification, and our country and our world needs strong Godly men that are assertive leaders. I have made them my personal mission. My ministry. In my home my prayer and my heart is to raise men of God. To be the mom that God has called me to be right now, means to show these mini-men how to be gentlemen. How to love Jesus. How to be kind to people. How to function in society. My boys are my ministry. What is yours?

My old stomping {fair}grounds

I grew up in the country. We had 5 acres and nearly every farm animal available. I LOVED it. I used to spend the entire week of fair at the fairgrounds participating in 4-H for pigs, chickens, and horses. I have such amazing and awesome memories of those weeks spent. I learned so much, and 4-H teaches a lot of responsibility and I was able to raise a market hog and then profit and learn to save money.. so cool!  I sure hope my kids have the opportunity to experience the fair in that way someday!


Bucket Boys!

aren't these chickens cool? They are called "Silkies".. fitting.

These Polish Chickens have a pom-pom for a head

Ethan found a feather and decided every animal "liked" being petted with it... some did. some not so much.

 

Ethan and his feather...

"HI PIG"

This is the smallest goat I have EVER seen! Its a baby pygmy goat, just 2 days new!

Just a tad too short for the caterpillar roller coaster...

That is one noisy ride... Luke was pretty enthralled. 

Watching brother go on the giant slide 

This picture absolutely melts my heart.. He was so determined to do this monster slide, he did ask Daddy to go to the top with him. At the end I asked him "was it scary?" his answer "NO IT WASNT!!!"... this picture says otherwise but he sucked it up and wanted to do it again.