Because God, that's why.

 

"God will not call the equipped, but rather equip those that He has called" -Unknown 

 

 

 

 

 

Well...With so many transitions around here, blogging has hit the back burner. But I am determined to stick with it. For journaling purposes, and as a resource as well.

 

Something happened yesterday, something that I had imagined but wasn't sure what it would look like. God knew. It was His work after all.

 

In the last 5 years, as I've watched my oldest son grow, and develop, and as we've jumped hurdles as a family, and moved past barriers, we have learned so much. Ethan was diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and General Anxiety Disorder in October of 2013. We knew before the doctor's official "diagnosis", because we had been living with Ethan and had done research. We didn't need a label for him, really, but it was a good confirmation to have so that we could reach out and utilize resources for support and help.. Before that diagnosis?... We were lost. struggling. frustrated. exhausted. We had tried and failed many different types of discipline, teaching, rewards, parenting techniques, and still were left feeling so overwhelmed and a little hopeless honestly. He was quirky and tricky, and one day something would work, and the next day it would cause a major meltdown...he was like living with a ticking time bomb, and you never knew when an explosion would occur, or what would trigger it. We knew with school years looming that we had to make a decision. My heart has been to homeschool, and I kept Ethan home for preschool as a "trial" for that, but honestly it was a struggle. This boy is constantly on the go both physically and mentally, and it was nearly impossible for me to keep him engaged and stimulated and we were left in frustration. So what to do? Would he be successful in a classroom setting? Would it be overwhelming? Would he be able to control his hands and impulsive tendencies? Would the teacher be able to keep him engaged? How can we help him? Prepare him? You get the idea, many questions swirling..

 

To be real, I have gone through so many feelings and emotions as a mom.. Many that are normal just as a mom, learning the ways of mommyhood, juggling, multi-tasking, balancing. But some of the struggles were so trying, I found myself asking that horribly selfish question "why me?"... why was I chosen to be this boys' momma? why was I, the lazy, non structured, free spirited, selfish one, given a son who required all of me. My heart and my time and my effort. My tears and my attention. I struggled with frustration and anger on his behalf, watching him struggle.. "why cant he be normal?" "why does he have to be so sensitive?"  "why can most kids already use the potty, or ride their bikes?" ... may it be known that these questions, while real in the moment, are in their very essence destructive. Their source is Satan himself, and as we mom's sometimes strive to just get through the day, the last thing we need is comparison, or thoughts or feelings of insufficiency, along with constantly expecting more of our kids, and of ourselves as moms. But they swirled my mind, nonetheless.. "WHY GOD?"

 

Needless to say the answer is "Because God, that's why"...He CHOSE me. but it has been such a crazy process as God is working on my heart. Grasping this truth and taking it to heart. I am still learning, still being stretched, I am certain I will continue to as long as I am a mom {always}. But yesterday I got a bright glimpse into the "why me". Out of the blue, I got a call from a mom, someone I didnt know. My name and number were given to her as a potential resource. She has a 5 year old son. She's struggling. She suspects Autism/ADHD. On the phone she sounded drained. lost. exhausted. frustrated. concerned.

 

Thanks God, You knew didnt you? Just a year ago, I was sitting in her scary, frustrating shoes... I felt so weary of trying...Looking for answers, asking advice, picking people's brains. Let me be the first to say, we have not perfected parenting a child that has a few special needs and quirky tendencies, but boy, when you get to the point where you have a solid direction instead of feeling like you are drowning, you start seeing baby steps and progress, things start looking right up.

 

And now, having implemented several systems, gotten plugged in with the ESD, behavioral counseling, and finally started with Occupational Therapy I was actually able to say "I have some ideas!"

 

 

Woah. I told her upfront, I can throw some ideas her way, but of course every kid is different, but WOAH. She was asking me for ideas and I HAD some. A year ago, I would've just started crying along side her..."I hear ya sister, its hard!" I was so grateful that God had given me a chance to help someone. All the struggles and frustrations, the barriers ARENT for nothing. And best of all, to be able to be upfront and tell her "God made me Ethan's mom, and while I struggled with that, and struggle {still} with feeling sufficient, I am so grateful that God chose ME! And His Grace is sufficient enough for YOU too, and its not by chance that you are calling me now."

 

I feel like my heart is overflowing, blessed that God chose me to share, and to use His GRACE as an example. He knew. He did.

 

These crazy parents weren't equipped, but we have been called. My prayer is that as my kids grow, Ill continue to grow by faith. New stages and ages bring new challenges, but I am learning that I get to experience the very worst of my kids, and along with that the VERY BEST and I am grateful.

 

My advice to myself, and those that want it:  Simmer. Let God show you His ideas. They are usually so much cooler than we picture then in our finite brains. Then enjoy the blessing as it comes along.

The newest.

It's been too long.

 

So much can change in the course of a few short weeks.

 

 

Luke is starting to carry on 4-8 word conversations with me. Its so precious. It is so cool to slow down and watch him put the words together. He's getting it. I think he appreciates being able to articulate what he wants instead of screaming and grunting so much. He is growing well, and he has been so much healthier ever since we cut sugar out of the house.

 

Ethan is officially enrolled in kindergarten! I am equally excited and terrified for him. One of the hardest things to do as a Mama, is to knowingly put your children in a situation where they could potentially face big barriers.

Fall.

Get discouraged.

Make mistakes.

 

I know in my heart, that these things build character.. But having a child that has special needs, I feel like I long so much to protect him from those hurts even MORE. Maybe its because I know that he copes differently (sometimes not at all).. Maybe its because I know his heart, this tender-hearted, compassionate, sensitive boy. I know he will stumble. But my mission is to be there giving him the tools in his toolbelt to pick himself up and keep moving forward.

 

School. Woah. When I picked out and purchased a lunch box last week ($4.99 at grocery outlet score!) I swear I fast-forwarded in my mind to highschool graduation. What is it about being a mom, that begs for time to slow down, all the while, waiting for tomorrow to come? He hasn't seen his lunchbox yet, he will be SO excited. Its the little things right?....

 

We don't talk about school much with Ethan because he doesn't have a good sense of time, so he would keep thinking its "tomorrow".... But we are still mentally prepping, and focusing on establishing a good routine NOW, so the change isn't so ground-shaking come fall.

This is my newest routine board. Ethan's counselor suggested solid visual aids, to help alleviate some of the "nagging" from me, to help him focus and stay on task (some days this just isn't possible) and also to enable him to be more independent and take ownership of his own responsibilities. The board pictured above is specifically for his morning routine.

 

 I took a picture of him waiting for his morning clock to turn green to wake up, turning off his radio, brushing teeth, changing clothes, and putting the dirty laundry in the basket... this has been pretty effective as of recently with sufficient bribes motivation. This also gives me a chance to get breakfast ready, because we tend to have a LOT of struggles around impatience and rude words while waiting for meals. Cant blame him TOO much. I get crabby when I am hungry too.

 

I am planning to make another one for bedtime routine, then eventually for the daily flow.. (school type activities ect)

 

So, what's new with you?



Put some spring in your step

Last weekend we took the boys to a friend's house to check out the farm. She had some new lambs amongst other creatures. Luke showed no fear, and wanted to poke the chicken in the eye. Ethan kept his distance but was still interested. :)

Ethan is...

Busy. Loud. Intelligent. Energetic. Passionate.

He loves to tell knock knock jokes, even if there is no punchline.

He is deeply passionate about the things he cares about.

He likes to snuggle.

He loves routine.

He wakes up happy.

He appreciates the smell of fresh baked goodies.

He enjoys stomping in puddles.

He always likes to have music playing.

He has no fear of dancing in public. If the music moves him...

He eats a bowl of carrots during quiet time EVERY day.

If he had the choice, he would eat oatmeal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

If given the opportunity, he will stay up until midnight.

He loves being around his friends and family.

He. Remembers. EVERYTHING.

He CONSTANTLY sticks his tongue out when he is focused or concentrating. I love it.

He hates tomatoes, beans, and cheese.

He dislikes the suspense of surprises.

He cant stand his brother "messing up" his cars, trains, or other toys.

He gets frustrated when things are too loud around him.

He is a master at diversion at bed time.

He cant stand to have water on his face. (we are making progress)

He does not prefer any sort of artistic activities, he will rush through them.

I love this sweet boy so much. I am so proud of some of the hurdles he has gotten through (potty training at 4! woohoo!) We are so blessed as parents to have been entrusted with him. We spend a lot of time talking, thinking, and praying about and for this little man. We are excited to see what God has planned for his future.

 

 

 

food food food. Foodie Food Food.

I love food.

 

I know I am not alone here. I love to cook. I love to bake. I love to create. I love to eat.

I love to EAT.

Here's a few of our foodie adventures lately around Holmes Manor.



I made this silly golf cake for Seth's birthday. Banana cake with more frosting than we could ever consume. Ground up GF cookies for the "sand"... fun right?

 

I took my Ethan on a Mommy-Son date last weekend. We went to the fro-yo place and Ethan always gets sorbet (dairy free of course)... We don't usually eat sugar but this was a special treat. He LOVED it.

 

 Don't let this face fool you, this kid LOVES veggie juice. It was too cold for him... I try and juice at least once a week and Luke is the only mancub that will drink it. (Ethan--uh-- not a chance).. this week we did kale, spinach, celery, cucumber, carrot, swisschard. YUM!

 This here is my popcorn buddy. He calls it "cop-corn".... ha!

 

Did you know you can grow green onion from the stubs? I don't think "stubs" is the technical term, however, if you chop off the tops and stick just the roots in water or dirt, voila'!

 Green Onion Kitchen Pet!

 

Did I mention I love food?

school days.. the big decision.

Its a little crazy to believe my oldest son will be 5 in May. Im trying to grapple with the fact that im nearly 1/3 of the way through his childhood. How does this happen?!



Seth and I have been discussing, praying about, and considering the different options for Ethan's education since he was born. We have always felt that public school was not the route we wanted to take with our kids, although we considered it for a time..

You see I was in public school until 3rd grade. I was pulled out because there was an abusive situation in our classroom (me included unfortunately)... and it was that situation, coupled with the fact that my very smart, ADHD brother was struggling in school, our parents decided that God was calling them to the homeschool road. From what I remember, and understand, my older brother was bored. He wasn't being challenged..  and as a result he was getting into trouble.

We took to homeschool pretty well, although I remember mom struggling to keep my brother on task, and I always struggled with math and often needed the aid of a math tutor. We changed curriculum often to try and find what fit best. Some of my favorite memories of being homeschooled are what brought me to even consider homeschooling my kids...Being able to get my schoolwork done in a few short hours, then having the rest of the day to do as I pleased. We lived on 5 acres and had a menagerie of animals. I took a special interest in horses, and got involved in 4-H. I spent so much time running in the woods, the field, playing by the creek looking for crawdads, building forts, and spending countless hours in my room reading piles and piles of books. We traveled with my parents, and we able to do that without concern about school schedules. Our school day was customized to fit our personalities and learning styles. We were also involved in a weekly co-op of other homeschool families to collaborate and teach more specialized classes... chemistry, Spanish, art, drama, speech, poetry, sewing... these are just a few that I remember. I have great memories of homeschool and some of the freedoms that came along with it, but there were some struggles too. As I got older, my mom and I didn't see eye to eye on a lot. As my studies got more advanced and required more one on one tutoring I lacked motivation. We fought constantly. In hindsight, I also wish that I had gotten involved in a team sport. There are friends that I know, that did a sport all through school, and they have built skills in that area along with lifelong friendships having that sport in common. I was involved in the horseback riding and competing, but I was expensive (although team sports often aren't cheap either).. and I eventually had to sell all 3 of my horses.

When I was a sophomore in homeschool, I summoned the courage to ask my parents if they would be willing to consider allowing me to enter a private school setting my junior year, (as opposed to public school)... after some thought they decided I was mature enough to handle it so we gave it a try. There were things about it I loved-- Band for instance. How fun! I played the percussion, rotating from snare drum, to bells, xylophone, triangle, cymbals, crash cymbal... we even went to 2 competitions.

So exciting for this homeschooled farm girl!...we had chapel once a week and got to do worship and Bible study. I also loved that the teachers genuinely cared.. They wanted to be there. They had a heart and passion to teach and for us to excel. And they were believers, which brought a nice umbrella of comfort when it came to conflict with other students, or struggles with homework or assignments. But there were difficulties there as well. For one, private school was SPENDY. I haven't had a chance to thank my parents for it, but I appreciate that they paid for me to go. It was also an hour drive, and while I carpooled with a friend, it was still 2 hours out of my day.

Which brings me to my {2nd} junior year... my parents and I agreed that attempting public school my final year of highschool might be ok considering I had adjusted so well to the private school setting. A lot of the curriculum I knew already, and in some ways it was boring for me. The only problem is that when I attempted to transfer into public school my Bible class credits did not transfer.. So I had a decision to make. Continue on the 1 hour drive, expensive school for 1 year, or 5 minute drive free school for 2.... I ended up choosing public school and actually redid my junior year. I had quite a bit of free periods because of the amount/type of credits I was lacking. I spent much of my time in the photography lab and pottery studio which is what ignited my passion for both.. most of the other classes were pretty lame to be honest. I learned little, and spent a lot of time watching students around me with bad attitudes and petty drama. But I can honestly say im glad I was able to experience this last schooling time. If not for it I would never have had the chance to do what some people would think to be silly. I would've never been to a homecoming football game. Never have been a prom princess... Never have learned to use a locker combination.. but most of all, never had the chance to learn about ceramics and photography. I use these skills still today and they are a big part of who I am.

Seth on the other hand.. he was in public school from start to finish. He graduated valedictorian from his class (show off ;)  ) But he doesn't feel like much of highschool really prepped him for the real world, or for college with the exception of one humanities class..

So we have all of these experiences to pull from, and one really big decision to make. But how do you decide for someone that isn't you?... How do you know what is best until you try?

So. This past year, I decided that I would homeschool Ethan instead of sending him to a public pre-school. I was determined to do it, and do it well, and even had hopes of enjoying it. I to, got him involved in a weekly co-op and he has been enjoying it. This last week as I shared, he wrote his name for the first time, and I cant begin to tell you how accomplished that made ME feel. Wow! He really is absorbing some of this stuff! But the downside, (there always seems to be one?)... We struggled, Ethan and I.. struggled to focus, struggled to stay on task, I struggled to keep my cool. I spend my whole day correcting, teaching, guiding, refereeing... and on TOP of that to add school, its just so much. To be honest I think he has begun to hate the sound of my voice (the hint I got was when he covered his ears and yelled "PLEASE STOP TALKING")

With all this being said, Seth and I have always just had a sense that our sweet Ethan guy would potentially get lost in a public school system. When he had his official Autism/ADHD diagnosis, it further confirmed our thoughts about that. I am certain that there are excellent schools, along with incredible teachers (ive experienced a few) that long to teach and see kids truly reach their potential. But we just feel like Ethan in particular would struggle in the larger, streamlined environment.

So writing off public school and homeschool doesn't leave a lot of options really... So I started looking into the local Christian private school. It wasn't around when I was in school, how handy would that have been? I spent some time there yesterday, meeting with the kindergarten teacher, observing the class, and also spent some time one on one with the administrator... What a great setup. Class sizes no larger than 16. Teachers who are Christ-followers, passionate and great at what they do... they have 1 child who is on the autism spectrum in kindergarten, so its not a new concept to the school. The teacher mentioned that if a child was having struggles, they were allowed some quiet time in the office, or even a nap if necessary...They recognize and accommodate the state IEP, which was a HUGE deal for me, incase Ethan needs one. They even said I could bring Ethan by to tag along and be a kindergartner for half a day, to see if he likes it. How awesome!

I know what you are thinking.. "Awesome! Sign him up!" Haha.. me too. I told Seth, wow, Ethan would LOVE this place. He loves people. He is not good at carrying a conversation, we are working on his social, and verbal skills, but he LOVES being around friends. This all seems way too good to be true. So we decided to pray about it more. We want to do what is best for Ethan obviously, but there is one more barrier to get past. Tuition.... WHY does private school have to be so spendy? We have applied for financial assistance through the school, and haven't yet heard back if we qualify, but unfortunately, even if we qualify, the most it would cover would be 40% of tuition... were still looking at several hundred dollars a month over our budget. Its just not in the piggy bank..And so we are praying for open doors. I am standing in faith that if God wants Ethan to be there, He will provide. I am so excited at the peace I have about this whole situation... God is so good, and if it doesn't work out, we will cross that bridge when it comes, if it comes...

meanwhile, back to working on letters, numbers, and manners. :)

Puzzles and chore buckets

I am still trying to figure out some type of schedule or timeline for Ethans preschool.  For now I just try and make sure to do at least one activity of 3 subjects. . Math, "reading",  and writing. We work on some type of memory work (like the books of the Bible) And also some other fun activity (like a craft or sensory play if he will tolerate it..

Right now Ethan is learning about the days of the week. Tomorrow we will work on seasons. :)

Seth and I are constantly changing our methods of discipline for Ethan. Some days timeout works. Some days motivation by reward, some days taking away a prized possession with opportunity to earn it back. Its like a guessing game finding what works. I found this idea on pinterest to create a chore bucket. If Ethan is being mean to his brother after a warning,  or having a crummy attitude, or being blatabtly disobedient, I have explained to him he will have to pull a chore from the chore bucket. We will see how it goes. 

Since I had the popsicle sticks out I made Ethan a quick puzzle. He finished it within seconds. Darn. Going to have to up my game. 

Domestic Engineer

Have you heard? I got a promotion. I am officially a full-time stay at home Mom. Am I crazy?.... maybe a little. I find it interesting that being at home with the kids used to be common. It used to be the norm... expected even. "These days"... its actually quite difficult to be home full time and raise our children. Financial situations make it difficult and sometimes impossible for moms to be home all the time with their babes. I feel so incredibly grateful and blessed to finally have this opportunity to spend and invest in my kids!

Ethan and I officially started preschool at home this week. Why not start off my new career with a bang? Ethan wrote his name for the first time, and also started with scissors. I made a long list of goals, things that I would love for him to accomplish or learn before next fall. We will see how it goes. The list includes things like, learning to spell and write his name. Learning to use scissors. Learning to count to 20. Feeling comfortable with all the sounds of each letter, and beginning to sound out words. I hope to teach him about the calendar, months, and seasons. We have already started talking about coins, and learning about money. He really loves to learn new things, and I want to take advantage of this phase. I am excited and hope to just enjoy this year.

Luke is starting to use words and learning how to communicate without screaming or whining. Its a slow process, but he's getting there. He is sassy and is a little bit of trouble maker sometimes. He likes to hit his brother, and take his toys from his hands. He also has taken a special liking to electrical outlets and power cords much to my dismay. STINKER. His favorite words are "Ad-Dee" (daddy) and "no" which means "yes". He also says "Ah-Ah" which means "all done." He has a silly sense of humor singing his night-night lullaby in a fake opera voice. Silly boy.

As for me, I have been spending my evenings after the kids go to bed doing a lot of crochet. I started making these headbands and some people of facebook showed a little interest and I started selling them. now I make headbands all the time. Its fun and a good way to make a little "extra"... pretty cute, don't you think?

These boys...my ministry.

Ethan Seth. My Smarty pants. 

His name combined means "strong, firm, appointed one." His daddy and I had his name picked out before we even got married. Before he was even possible I dreamed about him. I always prayed that God would give me a little boy (He blessed me with TWO!) And that he would be just like his daddy... But I couldn't wait to see what creation God would bless me with. When I was 8 months pregnant with him I knew in my heart that he was a boy. Is that crazy? :}

 

 

 

This Dude. Luke Jonathan. My baby.

 
We deliberated over his name for months. Luke and Jonathan combined mean "God Gives Light"... I was going through a really traumatic and dark time in my life and in the middle of the darkness and awful, I found out I was carrying this guy. What an amazing blessing...beauty from ashes.

Everyone who knew we were pregnant with our second baby said "oh I hope you have a girl so that your family is "complete"... I always smiled and nodded but really I was hoping for another little boy. I wanted Ethan to have a brother. I wanted these brothers to grow up together. Get in trouble together. Fight like brothers. Be men together. God gave me my hearts wish (twice!). This little sweetie is cuddly and affectionate. He has his shy moments.



These are precious guys. I pray for them. I pray that they would come to know Christ at an early age. That they would be passionate and seek after Gods heart. That they would be comfortable with who they are as a men of God, and find their true identity in Christ. That they would find their niche in this world and be involved in ministry. That they would be a light. I pray that God will be preparing a wife for they someday. Girls who loves God first, who will inspire Ethan and Luke to seek God more passionately.. women who I could love as daughters. Sometimes I wonder if girls like that exist anymore..I pray that they would remain pure till marriage.  Call me a planner. But I don't think its too soon to pray for their future.

Raising boys in "our time" is difficult. We live in a society that revolves around self-indulgence, selfishness, instant gratification, and our country and our world needs strong Godly men that are assertive leaders. I have made them my personal mission. My ministry. In my home my prayer and my heart is to raise men of God. To be the mom that God has called me to be right now, means to show these mini-men how to be gentlemen. How to love Jesus. How to be kind to people. How to function in society. My boys are my ministry. What is yours?

VBS

Ethan participated in VBS when he was 2. He was technically too young but they let him tag along with the 3 year olds and he liked it.. He has changed a lot since then. He didn't remember that previous experience, and had no idea what we were in for when I took him to the first assembly for VBS this year. There were over 200 kids in the auditorium. They were screaming joyfully and playing a stomping game. They were everywhere. They. were. loud.

 

Ethan started shaking. Granted, it would be overwhelming for any 4 year old kiddo. But he was mesmerized and overwhelmed all at once. I had him sit with his friend in the 4 year old section and he seemed ok once he saw someone he recognized. I walked around to snap a few pictures, and I came back and he was screaming and crying.

 

"Mommy, I looked for you and I couldn't find you!" tears streaming... oh my heart he broke. Lesson learned. Too much. Too fast. I'm learning that Asbergers can cause little kids to be completely overstimulated. They hear, see, feel, touch, smell, everything around them, but completely amplified.. So if it is a crazy situation, they don't cope well. I knew that about him already. I should've been better prepared.

 

 We are talking about a boy who usually waves goodbye to me without a backward glance when he is off to play.. He was clearly distraught.

 

On a lighter note, once the big loud crowd dispersed into the smaller classes, he was mostly back to his normal self. By the third day he knew what to expect, I gave him a calming remedy before hand and he handled it like a champ. Since I was the photographer for VBS, I got the benefit of checking in on him periodically from a distance if needed. 

 

At the end of the third day he was begging me to go back. He sings the songs they have been learning constantly, in the bathtub, in the car, at the dinner table.. He told me this morning "we love God, don't we mom?".. Its been tough to see him struggle, but I have been praying for him in these stressful moments. Praying that the yield would be worth it. Praying that God would protect his little mind and heart from the stress. And that as Im hearing the kids reciting Bible verses as I walk through the halls, that my Ethan would be hiding God's words in his heart. Im so thankful for all of the volunteers that put together such a big busy week to give us a huge opportunity to give all of these 200+ kids Jesus.

 



 



Listening to the Bible story (with his special blankie of course)

 

He made a keychain!

 

 He was very proud

 



 

 

He seems to hang by himself when things are busy or a little crazy. Just sitting and observing everyone else.

 

 

Understanding Ethan

So here's the thing. Us parents, theoretically, we know our kids best. We know what makes them tick. We know their ups and downs, their in and outs. Every quirk and funny face. We know the foods they like, love, and dislike. Their favorite color and toy and blanket. We know them best.

This is true for both of my kids, but I referring specifically to my oldest son Ethan. Let me tell you a little (or a lot) about him. He just turned 4.

He is smart. And when I say smart, I mean, has a photographic-memory-absorbent of-anything-he-hears-blows-my-IQ-out-of-the-water-smart. He began speaking early but what I noticed first was the CONTENT of his words. I remember people commenting on his vocabulary, and his apparent "understanding" of so many words at such a young age. His ability to mimic and recite has always been sharp. I remember when he was 2 years old, calling into a radio station and he recited a Bible verse over the radio. Smarty Pants. To this day he spends most of his words quoting movies verbatim. He is like a constant stream of movie lines and quotes. I was a part of the Easter production last year and he had most of the lines of most of the characters memorized before I did. He knew his entire alphabet by age 3, which isn't unusual, but he also knew the sounds that each letter makes, the difference between upper and lower case, and before he hit 4 years old was already sounding out and reading small words. He also knew his colors, but not just red,blue and green, he also knew turquoise, and tan...Not trying to brag, but once I got started.. well I digress.

My boy is smart.

He is affectionate. He loves to snuggle. He will randomly tell me "mommy, I wuv you".

He likes to listen to bedtime stories. He loves bath time. And cookies. He has always had a deep passion for cars and trains. If you know this little boy, you know that he could identify each and every train in the "Thomas" series, along with their color, name, and I.D. number.

Some other things about my Ethan that I noticed at a very young age, was that he didn't (and doesn't) usually make direct eye contact. Even if I ask him to look at my eyes, he avoids it. It seems painful for him. If he is relaxed and comfortable around someone he will make brief eye contact but its very short.He also from a very early age preferred to play by himself. Whether in a group, or with one other child, whether with family, or new friends, he was/is perfectly content to play on his own. These are a few of many things (we could call them red flags I suppose) that while I have been acutely aware of, was not attune to the fact that they could potentially mean something was wrong or different about my son. When he was 18 months, and i noticed these 2 big factors about him, my mind instantly went to Autism. But being that he didn't  show any other main signs of Autism, i wrote it off in my mind. Thinking "its just him, its just how he is."... years later, as other "signs" became very apparent, I decided to do a little more research.

Here is what I have found: Meet Asberger's Syndrome. A highly functioning form of Autism.

I recently met with a fellow mom (Her name is Sheri, and she is fantastic) She has a 7 year old son with Asberger's. She was able to give me a little insight (and loaned me a great book) regarding children with Asberger's. Here is a glimpse of what I have learned-

This is a "generic" list of common signs/symptoms of Asbergers:

• Difficulties making eye contact -This one rings true for E, he started avoiding eye contact (that we noticed) around 18-24 months. One theory for Asbergers, is that there is so much emotion and feeling in ones eyes, that the amount of stimuli is just too much for these people to cope with. There have even been reports of some Asbergers people saying that it causes physical pain or burning to keep eye contact.  If you ever see a photograph of Ethan, its usually one out of 20 where he would NOT look at the camera. I usually have to bribe him to get him to look at the camera, and it will usually be a picture of him looking just off to the side, or making a pretty silly or awkward face. I always thought he was just being stubborn.
• Dislike being held as young children. This used to confuse me. I always thought maybe i didn't bond correctly with E. He would arch his back and try and be put down. I assumed he was just not a snugly guy...
• Heightened sensitivity to stimuli- I like to think of this as Ethan having a magnifying glass for everything he sees, hears, and smells. He picks up on EVERYthing. When he wakes from a nap, instead of saying "mmm something smells good, did you bake?" he says "MMM you baked pumpkin muffins!"...clothes that make him itch or irritate him REALLY make him itch and irritated. He can hear a train in the distance before the dog can. His peripheral vision is on high alert and he is constantly looking and observing EVERything around him..and talking about everything around him. If i re-arrange the spice rack he notices something is different. This hyper focused, hyperactive state made me think that he had ADHD...
• Lack of ability to pick up on social cues -This one is interesting, because how this translates for E, is that he doesn't understand "inside jokes".. he sees a funny facial expression and doesn't get it. If someone seems uncomfortable he cant understand why.
• Difficulty understanding other people's feelings and emotions- Lack of empathy is common. I am guilty of accusing him of being flat out selfish, because when a person is incapable of "putting themselves in your shoes," they come off as completely indifferent and self-centered. I was mistaken about Ethan. He is actually very generous and thoughtful, when it OCCURS to him...
• Problems adjusting behaviour to fit in with others- i haven't noticed this too much, mostly i think because he is still young. and hasn't spent a lot of long periods of time with peers.
• Conversation can tend to be one-sided (all their way)- This boy ALWAYS has to have the last say, he talks endlessly about what he knows because its comfortable for him to talk about.
• Literal interpretation of language- Oh boy- this is a struggle. Figures of speech are so LOST on this guy. "racking my brain" or saying something like "I'm pooped" when I'm tired, he takes these terms LITERALLY. so he will ask if i pooped, or ask whats wrong with my brain. I have learned, that if i say something, i need to mean it, because he will remember it  that way i said it. And he is quick to correct me if i change it. Often Seth and I will say something in passing like "That workout kicked my rear" and we end up telling him "never mind" because it starts a whole gamut of questions. DON'T say "take a hike!" whatever you do, unless you are prepared to take him on one.
• Repetitious behavior/ obsessive tendencies- when he was 2, and started arranging his pillows a certain way, we thought it was cute. When he insisted that his "Thomas" pillow be turned upside down and facing right, and his "lightning McQueen" pillow on the left facing down, we started to look twice.. and among other OCD type behaviors, we have always noticed the need for this consistency..
• "tantrums" or "meltdowns" when plans are changed/Heightened emotional response- oh. boy. howdy!... We all know that tantrums are pretty consistent with toddler-hood. But this is different. These are extreme "flash fire" tantrums i call them. If we change plans we have to do it very carefully and explain very thoroughly, along with usually offering incentives to make it worth his while and distract him from the "scary changes" in his schedule. If he is playing cars and has them lined up meticulously and his baby brother so much as LOOKS at them, he instantly bursts into tears. I always thought he had anxiety.
• Have restricted or obsessive interests that make them seem like 'walking encyclopaedias' about particular topics- Well if you know my boy you already know, Cars and trains..not just a passion, but a deep obsession, and like i said earlier, he could tell you each of their names, colors, id numbers ect, who gave him which one at which birthday, or Christmas ect.... (along with any electronic devices, his precious video games and movies)
• A preference for rules and routines- toddlers again- appreciate routine and thrive on it. Well this is even more concentrated for children with Asbergers. If we deter from routine it results in more meltdowns, more anxiety, and more stress.

So, on the surface, a lot of these things align with common characteristics of toddlers..And could be missed altogether as signs of Asbergers. But the main difference is the extreme to which these symptoms are manifested. And I believe the most common reason that most children are not diagnosed at this age, is because they haven't had a large volume of opportunities to show how these things affect their social behavior.. which would explain why school-age children are more commonly diagnosed. Having said all that, I would say that the most interesting thing is that we already thought we knew all of this about our son..and we thought we knew some of the causes (ADHD, ANXIETY, OCD)... but turns out we never.truly.knew.why.

Asbergers is our "why" and while I'm still battling over the thought of my son being considered on the "autism spectrum," my heart is also happy that I have discovered some very key things on how my sweet boy's brain works. With this knowledge we can understand him better,  learn to communicate with him better, it drives and motivates us to be more understanding and patient of him... We plan to eventually have him professionally evaluated and "diagnosed"... but I'm already convinced with what I know, that he exemplifies a "textbook Aspie" as the slang goes. So now we move forward.

How about you? Do you know of anyone with Asbergers?